Hey lovely folks! Today I have probably one of the most important topics I can talk about. Because building up connections might be the biggest topic of my life. I had times in my life when I had no real friends. And that was a tough time for sure. Everybody needs friends. Because they are there to cheer you up, to bring color into your life, make fun with and to listen to your bullshit. But in the world of today we hear more and more about the phenomenon that people are surrounded by a lot of other people, but though feeling lonely. Maybe you´ve heard or experienced that too?
Why do we feel lonely though we are surrounded by many people?
I guess that in 99% the feeling of loneliness is caused by a lack of connection. Because not the quantity but the quality of the people in our lives is what counts. You can have as many people around you, be invited to every party and always be on tour – if no one of these people is a real friend with who you can talk deeper and share emotions with, you´ll experience your daily life probably not as a very fulfilling one. We need people who give us the feeling that we are understood and loved. If this is something you miss in your life, this can rise a feeling of loneliness.
Moreover I am the opinion that the digitalization as well plays a major role why we are less connected with people. Messenger and Apps allow us to stay in contact 24/7 and more and more they are replacing real face-to-face conversations. Communication via Social Media has not infrequently a very shallow surface. It helps us to stay in contact, but they don´t help foster deep and meaningful connections.
So how can you easily boost and nourish your connections?
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”– Dale Carnegie
I experienced that real, genuine relationships are a source of pure happiness, if you are able to treat them as this. And there is nothing more valuable than people who love you and who you can love. But to achieve something like that a lot of effort and time is needed. Good relationships are nothing that will build on the fly. Relationships always need time, trust, must be nourished and need to endure conflicts. But you can drastically improve your connection game by considering the following tips:
- Be interested – When somebody really feels, that you are interested in them, they will probably get interested in you and open their heart, want to spend more time with you. So be interested. Ask more questions, better: ask relevant questions. “What are the best 3 things that happened to you this year?” Try to ask this, you will be amazed how fast you can build a meaningful conversation with this simple question!
- Provide massive help – Most people won´t ask you for help. This happens when you already built a relationship and they demand your friendship. Don´t wait for something that will not happen. Help the people you want to connect with, in what way soever. And don´t demand something back. Just be there and offer your help as a selfless act. People will notice your effort and be thankful for the gesture. Being able to “give” massively to others without wanting something in return is a huge source for my own happiness. Because when you do it genuinely, believe me, so much love and help will come back. Not from all people, but from those who are worth to connect with.
- Be patient and persistent – As I already mentioned, things will need time to flourish. Don´t give up. Never. If you want to connect with someone, never skip a chance to show it. Ask how he or she is doing frequently. Ask for a meet up from time to time. Pay and show attention. Be there and reach out with your heart. In 2017 I met a wonderful girl during a trip to Israel. She left so much impression on me that I decided, I wanted to have her in my life. I was keeping up to stay in contact with her over 8 months until she really realized how much I wanted this. Today I can call her one of my best friends though we live 3.000km away from each other and have not many chances to meet in person. Only because I kept being persistent in again and again telling her, I want the contact, I want her in my life, being helpful and fostering meaningful conversations we ended up in a happy friendship. Hard work pays off!!
- Make yourself unforgettable – This is easier than you think. Do more of the simple things that never get done. Send birthday cards with a handwritten greeting. Send a recommended book with a personal note in the inside. Make a genuine compliment out of nowhere. Show love. Hug tight. Smile and show that you enjoy. Being memorable is just that easy because most of the people are not doing what I mentioned. This will make you stand out from the masses.
- Talk openly – To deepen up a connection this often means to open your heart and talk about things you´re not talking in daily business about. Because this means to make yourself vulnerable in front of the other, many avoid this. The fear of rejection, of being misunderstood is high. But you know what: Having fear is only there to let us grow. Overcome your fear and talk as open as you can. When somebody asks you how you are, answer with full honesty. Nobody will expect it and probably love you for doing it. If you can make yourself vulnerable in front of the other, he or she will do the same in front of you. E voila: Connection established 😉
- Don´t force – All the things I listed above may apply. But you should not force it. Inspect your own feelings. If something doesn´t feel like you want it, or feels good to you, leave. You can not attract everybody to connect with you. And not everybody is meant to be in your life. Never forget this!
I am 100% sure that by actively practicing the above listed points, you can massively improve your relationships and connections. Everything is going back on being selfless. Be proud of having a big heart and show that you can use it. It will not only change your own life but also the life of others.
Do you have more points you can add to this list? What are your experiences with intensifying your connections? Lets discuss in the comments! 🙂